"Mummy loves her baby Giraffe"

We have a lovely jungle theme for baby's room. With lots of adorable orange giraffes and cute little sayings like "Mummy loves her baby giraffe!" I was so happy with the room as it looks adorable.

On Tuesday we had our last ultrasound, and found out the baby is fine and weighs 7lbs. 4oz. We also found out that baby has super long legs, practically off the charts! That was all well and good until this morning as daddy was leaving. He kissed my bump goodbye and said "were having a giraffe-bye bye little giraffe" and to me "Mummy loves her baby giraffe"

*sigh* And now I go and rip out the jungle theme and start over with Winnie the Pooh. Men.

How to waste time and alienate your family....

The Sand Game

My husband played this for about 5 hours the other day! Yesterday I sat down in front of the computer to look at the bank account- but ended up picking up the game he had left- I looked up what felt like 10 minutes later only to find I had been sitting there for an HOUR.

It's just fascinating. My god.

For something that is still fun and addictive but won't have you playing until your hair has gone gray and spiders have started nesting in it, try The Google Game

I'm feeling a bit better about being rejected. It's still something I'd rather not think about it though, so I've been trying to distract myself with baby preparations. Of course at 3am, when a baby has crammed itself into your diaphragm and is slowly crushing your lungs into nothingness, eventually your thoughts have to turn to something, and in my case it's the future. We're barely making ends meet now, and me going to school was the door to fixing that long term. Now what are we going to do? After the baby is born I'm going to find some part time work, maybe that will be enough. I doubt it. Well, whatever- I'll always have the sand game to distract me. That is until they shut the internet service off....

facing facts and the great big black hole of life, not as expected.

I've always wanted to get a degree in literature and to go onto teach or write or work in editing. I guess, maybe it was a dream. Either way, after dropping out of high school, having 2 kids, going back for my GED and passing with flying colors, a failed attempt at a MLT degree and finally getting married and moving overseas it seemed like the right time to actually do what I had wanted to do for so long.

It took me months to get the courage up, and in that time my husband and I had many midnight conversations in which I confided in him how scared I was, how unsure I was I could do it, how I didn't know if it was the right thing, and him supporting me and comforting me the whole way. After deciding that we were together 100% about it, I started to fill out the application to apply to a big University about 30 miles from us. I struggled mostly with my personal statement, but when I finally finished I was more or less pleased with it.

Four weeks on from when I submitted my application, I have been informed that it was rejected. I will not be going to back to school.

I was crushed, and still am. I try to keep a good face on for my husband but I just can't help crying when I think about it. I wanted this so so so much. Now, it seems I waited to long, or maybe I'm not nearly as bright and capable as I thought I was.

I think it'll be a while before I can really accept it and understand it, but I know that this was it. I won't be trying again.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I'll never do anything more than take care of the kids and the house, and maybe work some horrible part time job once in awhile. I feel like something has been ripped away from me. It never occured to me that I wouldn't ever go back to school and accomplish this and have that career that I wanted. It was always just a matter of the time being right.

I feel really lost right now, my confidence is shattered and I just don't have any idea where to go from here. Being a mother and a wife is great, but for it to be the only thing? The epitomy of my existence? To never have anything outside of making dinner and vaccuming and taking the kids to school?

I feel like I've been sucked into a great big black hole.

My new favorite website

I LOVE this site. Granted, $10 for 6 rubberbands is a bit, um, shall we say eccentric? But, window shopping never hurt. While you're there check out the bamboo steamer basket, the paper flowers paper or how about the $45 vase brush?

Anyway, a very cool site that changes it's stock every few months and goes for the type of things you'll never find on the high street. Kind of like Tchibo, but- yeah- much cooler.

Toilet Aquarium

I'm still not sure what to make of this.

Isn't there something intrinsically creepy about keeping fish in your toilet tank? And if you're a man, how do you cope with 50 little fishy eyes watching you pee? Hmm. Perhaps we could train them to hold up score cards each time our male significant others finish? Or even attach little thought bubbles to each fish that read "Wipe the seat!" "For god sake- use toilet paper" "WASH that penis!!!"

What do you think?